Life Actually: Birth of a Role Model

I believe a role model is a person you can draw inspiration from, a person whose chosen walk of life is one you admire and one you wish to model your life after. I do not have a role model, largely because I have spent the last twenty plus years going with the flow of where life took me. Naturally I took classes that were of particular interest: philosophy of education, digital media convergence, quest for wholeness (by far my favorite course); but, never once did I envision the type of life I ultimately would want to lead.

Everything seemed to always work itself out: honor student in grade school and middle school, accepted to three different high schools and graduated with honors, accepted to various colleges, spent a year in NY before realizing it was not the college experience I desired and transferred to a more suitable collegiate environment (#LongLiveElon). I became a member of the greatest fraternity, and then went onto law school. I became very involved in law school, and graduated on time. Took the bar exam, passed on the second time and spent less than a year doing odd jobs before being hired at my current place of employment. Sure I have suffered ups and downs, a fair share of which I thought I might mot recover from, but I never really stopped to think about where my life was headed and the path I had traversed so far.

It is only quite recently with the introduction of new people in my life that I have begun to see some shape to what that life may look like. Due to my fondness for people and my curiosity into human behavior, I rather enjoy social experiments, and my most recent undertaking has exposed me to a culture and community that oddly enough made me learn more about myself and the type of man I want to be more than anything else. While I do not implore everyone to run social experiments, especially without some consent or agreements, I can honestly state that in leaving your comfort zone you can learn so much more about yourself then you would in continuing to lead your life uninterrupted.

How do I describe an experience you would need to live to capture? I cannot. In fact, isn't that the point? Similar to skydiving I can only tell you how awesome it was, but I cannot supply the information for you to experience it vicariously. You sometimes have to pull the brakes and catch your breath so you can experience life actually. Sometimes you have to experience a different sort of life in order to understand the type of life you have or the type of life you want. Become your own role model by doing something different and outside your normal walk of life.

Tick, Tock - Damn This Clock

I have no idea who bears the responsibility or how they set it off. Truth be told I do not care, please just turn it off. It did not happen first thing this morning like I was warned one day it would. Instead it occurred five minutes ago as I pulled into the metro station for the second leg of my morning commute. It went off, loud and clear as the alarm on my phone only an hour prior, my biological alarm clock.

This clock's alarm is not a loud piercing sound like a typical buzzer but "life's more challenging questions" in my head swirling and richocheting in my mind at the speed of light: you are 28 when will you settle down with someone to spend your life with? will these wonderful friendships you have bring the pitter-patter of children's feet to your home? when are you going to be an owner and stop being a renter? your niece will be three soon, no plans to provide her with a cousin her age, give your mom another grandchild? your looks and body will soon fall into disrepair and who will want you then? when will you come home to a warm smile instead of a cold bed?

For five minutes these questions pounded my brain leaving me with a kindle in my hand and the strong sense of insecurity. Only a few months ago I made the conscious decision to take a break from relationships and to allow myself to be single and find happiness within myself. Now with the incessant ringing in my head should I abandon this plan and make myself readily available to meet, greet, mingle until I find that special person. I was told only fools rush in, and momma ain't raise no fool. However, maybe they rushed in because it was the only was to shut off this Damn clock! How do you turn this off, oh my gosh...