Tick, Tock - Damn This Clock

I have no idea who bears the responsibility or how they set it off. Truth be told I do not care, please just turn it off. It did not happen first thing this morning like I was warned one day it would. Instead it occurred five minutes ago as I pulled into the metro station for the second leg of my morning commute. It went off, loud and clear as the alarm on my phone only an hour prior, my biological alarm clock.

This clock's alarm is not a loud piercing sound like a typical buzzer but "life's more challenging questions" in my head swirling and richocheting in my mind at the speed of light: you are 28 when will you settle down with someone to spend your life with? will these wonderful friendships you have bring the pitter-patter of children's feet to your home? when are you going to be an owner and stop being a renter? your niece will be three soon, no plans to provide her with a cousin her age, give your mom another grandchild? your looks and body will soon fall into disrepair and who will want you then? when will you come home to a warm smile instead of a cold bed?

For five minutes these questions pounded my brain leaving me with a kindle in my hand and the strong sense of insecurity. Only a few months ago I made the conscious decision to take a break from relationships and to allow myself to be single and find happiness within myself. Now with the incessant ringing in my head should I abandon this plan and make myself readily available to meet, greet, mingle until I find that special person. I was told only fools rush in, and momma ain't raise no fool. However, maybe they rushed in because it was the only was to shut off this Damn clock! How do you turn this off, oh my gosh...

God's Big Plans or Big Game?

You ever hear the expression: "if you ever want to make God laugh, tell him what you have planned." The point is to instruct people that whomever or whatever your Supreme being may be, they have the master plan for you and they know what is best suited for you. This may come in the forms of: challenges, opportunities, tragedies, achievements, losses, and gains. Ultimately, the point is to inform you, yes of course live your life to the best of your ability, but do not be surprised when things go off course and change leading you down a different path.

Often we, as humans, will set goals, benchmarks, dates, and timelines for the important things in our life. This can be as simple as what time to get to work or as complicated as to career and retirement choices. In the grand scheme of things, the more complicated plans we have are usually the ones that are interfered with in some shape, way or form. The issue is how we interpret this interruption and thus how we deal with it. For example, you promise yourself to find a job in federal government within 3 months. However, after 3 months you get a job offer from a non-profit, do you take it or wait for the federal job? Or perhaps you promised yourself you would never date another lawyer, but then you come upon someone who is great, treats you right, and is very honest. Two weeks later you discover they are a lawyer or plan to go to law school. Do you end it because of your plan, or do you go for it on the chance the greater power has something better in mind for you?

Even if you decide that this new job, new person, new opportunity is something that was unplanned and is perhaps the higher power creating a new path in your life; you then have to decided why it has been put in your life. See let us not forget that while we are given gifts, we are also gifted with hurdles and challenges. Could this job opportunity or new person actually be a test? Perhaps God simply wants to see how determined you are to meet your set goals. It is very possible that while working at the nonprofit company you not only are underpaid for the work and benefit you provide for the community, but you miss out on the federal job, and end up quitting to again look for a federal job within another 3 months. It is very possible that this new person who turns out to be of a type you never want to date again, begins lying to you a little while into the relationship and does all the things you were trying to avoid.

Unfortunately, we can never know these things up front. As you know my blog never really provides answers, and this one may even make you question more of these instances in your life. (Sorry in advance). However, I do always state my personal belief. When these things happen to me, I take a deep breath, look up to the sky, and say one thing: "You better not be playing me because I am not trying to go through this again." I never receive an answer but I feel better knowing I have voiced my concerns, and plan to proceed with caution.