Old School vs New School Part 1

Set-up: I went to the dealership Saturday morning to get some work done on my car. While in the waiting room, the TV is on and I guess they showed the new Britney Spears video or Gaga's performance or something, so this older black woman starts going off (you know how they do, lol). Once I realized this was a blog-worthy rant I began recording her on my phone. Now before you all judge me and my legal basis: her name is not mentioned, her face is not shown, I have not mentioned the time or name of the dealership, nor will I quote directly from the recording...so I'm good, I hope. Okay so through the 5 mins of recording I deciphered two main streams of thought: naked white women are still role models, and "facetime".  (Facetime will be covered in a later part of this post).

Basically, you see Gaga and Britney taking it off, exposing it all in videos. They aren't necessarily stripping but they are in something scantily clad. Here is the thing when Spears first launched her "Hit me Baby" video, the Catholic school girl uniform (considered naughty since the 70's see: porn) was launched into the pop culture limelight. Similarly, her 2000 performance of "Oops I did it again" at the VMAs with the flesh-colored body suit caused a flurry. Check the video now though [see above], yeah you probably would not even consider it wild at all, but then it was. It would be too easy for us to say, "So what, this is how our society works. The envelope gets pushed and then the standard of what is appropriate is lowered." Well I thought this way too, but compare this video from 2000 to some of the even-more revealing videos in  2009-2010 such as Lady Gaga's Alejandro, which I will not post here for obvious reasons. The point being that the standard of what is considered appropriate has been pushed so much further in this decade than any other single decade or generation before.

The reality is with what is appropriate constantly being re-defined in pop culture the lines between old school and new school are constantly changing. Seriously, think about 80s babies. Is it not true when you being born between 81-85 seeing someone born in 87, 88, you do not really consider them an 80s baby? What they know about Thundercats, Fraggle Rock, TGI muthafuggin F? We watched Martin when it was on, but they were too young to watch it. We remember Madonna before she became a mother and a Briton. We remember when reality tv programming was limited to Real World and Road Rules. It is not limited to cultural references. Younger people wear clothes that are more revealing at a younger age. For example, when I interned for a judge, there were many clerks. However, I noticed the older female clerks dressed in long skirts or pants suits, whereas younger females wore shorter skirts (still tasteful by today's standards) or pants suits with the shirt open revealing just a bit of chest. Older people tend to use their phone for calls, and often will make them very quick or close their office door; younger people text, tweet, facebook on their phones while at work and generally are not overly cautious who sees them. Obviously I am from the latter generation, and I admit I am guilty of these things but.. we shall discuss this further in Part II of this blog featuring "facetime".

There is old school, new school, and now. Because videos like Gaga's Alejandro or Rihana's S & M are not new school, they are now.  Can you imagine either of these videos in the 90s or 80s, people would have flipped. Don't get me wrong I love a lot of the things that are now, but there is a difference between enjoying them for entertainment value and watching them as you grow up. When I was growing up shows like Different World, Saved by the Bell, Family Matters, Cosby Show, Martin, Living Single and Boy Meets World were not just entertainment to me, they served as guidance. Families should stick together, cheerleaders are hot but will leave you for an older man, you must treat people with respect, you must attend college, and friends, for some reason, hang out in groups of 4 or 5 (perhaps a later post). Now, however, kids look to what the Kardashians, The Game and...well a lot of reality television, and I do not really see how they can find guidance in that. All those shows teach is sex sells, and money talks. Granted these are valuable lessons, but the former values of the 90s and before should still be taught today. I guess as I write this post I realize not only is there old school, new school and now...but the "now" does not seem to be a school at all. I'm starting to see what the lady in the dealership was saying...I can not tell who the role models or guidance are for today's youth in terms of pop culture. Old school wins this one, but as I said there is a Part II that will tackle a subject the lady brought up, what I call "facetime" until then....

LoveFool -Single Awareness

Inspired and formulated as per my conversation with "the brethren". I have composed these simple need-to-know rules and/or suggestions when it comes to dating.We hope that in reading this you are able to build a successful relationship, and not read dating blog posts a year from today. No matter what remember these three things: there is someone for everyone unless you're fake, you cannot help who you like --feelings are natural let them happen, and spitters are quitters.

#1 Compatibility  does not equal longevity - You cannot count on a relationship to be wonderful based on your "paper" qualifications such as good job, good family, similar cultures. There is more to it then that. You both have to be willing to work at it, and want similar things.


#2 Take Your Time - Dating does not equal future. Stop sizing up every first date as your future wife or husband, everyone knows first impressions are lasting ones. At the same time you cannot get to know everything there is to know about someone in the first few dates. With that said there are certain topics you should stay away from in the first few dates: future (i.e. family and where is this going); politics, and religion. I know some of you feel like why not? These are deal-breaking topics. Incorrect, I say to you. They are topics they can create unnecessary conflict between people who are just getting to know each other. Truth be told when you actually get to know each other you either will not care about these things or they will natural fall into place.


#3 Bros before hoes, Chicks before dicks - This does not really need to be explained. Do not allow anybody you're interested damage a pre-existing friendship.


#4 Keep it Consistent - If you start off dating someone and you call her five times a day, then when you switch to once a day she will ask questions. She will believe you have changed, you are not as interested in her as you used to be, and you are falling back. And she will be right. Thus, do yourself a favor, and if you know you do not like to talk to your girlfriend more than twice a day, do not start off calling her five times a day. If you go out to dinner every Friday night, then do not stop after 3 months. Keep it consistent.


#5 Seek and Ye Shall Find - I, myself, am guilty of this. If you go searching through your loved ones' phone, email, twitter, facebook, diary, etc. then chances are you will find either what you are looking for or something that makes you suspicious. A lot of people cheat...a lot of people. What you have to decide is what you are willing to put up with. If everyone is telling you, your man is cheating on you then you should move on because he is disrespecting you to your face. However, if you go on his email weekly in the hopes of catching him, then that is shame on you not shame on him. If the person is making you happy chances are you won't be snooping around anyways, and as I said if you are it probably has more to do with you then them.


I hope you enjoyed these suggestions and sorry I am so late in posting this. Happy Single Awareness Day!

Blue Valentine: The Untold Story

Don't worry no spoilers, I merely want to use a line from the movie. It is when Ryan Gosling's character is speaking to his co-workers, he says, "I think men are more romantic than women. I mean think about it. Men resist settling down, they do not want to get married until they find that girl that they know they cannot live without. Women they aren't like that. They will take a decent man with a good job, who they know will stick around. They talk about waiting their whole lives for Prince Charming, but they all end up just picking the guy with a good job."

Take a minute because I know that blew you away like it did me. It's absolutely true. Men marry the woman they absolutely love, the one they cannot see being without. Women on the other had take every relationship, and think if the man meets certain criteria and the relationship goes on long enough that they should get married. Where is the romance in that? Now I am not writing this to defend commitment-phobic men at all; there are some men who look at a wedding ring the way vampires look at the Crucifix. But for the large part there are men who only plan to get married once (trust me divorces are a sticky unfortunate beast) and so when they do get married they want it to be with someone they can't be without not someone who will do. This leads me into another topic, related to this: men have feelings and get their hearts broken.

I think, and as usual you may disagree with me, our society's media pop and news does a fantastic job of constantly painting the woman as the victim. Obviously, often times women are the victim, men are dogs, men are cheaters, yada yada yada. Bottom line is, despite what Tyler Perry tells you, women can be as as doggish (won't use the female word), trifling, and sneaky as men. In fact, when a man is hurt by a woman it may be arguably worse than in the inverse situation. I say this because most men are so hesitant to settle down, to create a family until they know this is the one, so if they find that girl and she was with him for reasons other than love, then in the long run the man is more devastated.

A good example of this is my own life. I was "dating" someone, who basically up and disappeared on me. When I tried to be the bigger person and tell them how I felt...well let's just say I wish I never put myself out there because their response only left me more wounded. Now I am lucky enough to have a few good male friends (SN: will likely do a later post on "Bromances" look forward to that) who were able to read the response with objective eyes and sympathize with me. You know basically told me: "Fuck em. You better than they will ever be anyways. Get over that shit. Fuck em!" It was probably more eloquent than that...or less...I forget but the bottom line is they helped me through it. Why? Cause I needed that push because despite popular belief men have feelings outside their pants dammit! Granted what's in the pants has more persuasive feelings, but all jokes aside you can't believe the hype men and women need to treat each other with respect. Now, like I said this does not describe the case for every guy, nor is it a critique of the movie simply that one dialogue within the movie, and the thoughts it brought about in my mind.

Hey Ma, I Wanna be a Pornstar

This is inspired by a radio show topic I heard on my way to work recently. The issue was a strip club wanted to donate $20,000 to a local public school. BTW this was the Kane Morning Show. One of the hosts was hardcore against it. She felt not only were the parents wrong for not stepping up and finding some other way to get the money, but the strip club was also wrong for offering the money. Schools should uphold the highest moral code, and to get their funding from a strip club sets a bad idea for students. The others felt that if the school needed the money why shouldn't they get it.It does not matter where the money comes from. From the title you may have guessed this blog is not about a strip club giving money to a school, which honestly, I do have mixed feelings about, but about the thoughts this morning show inspired.

When I was about 13-14 years old I wanted to be a pornstar. Now if you are a dude reading this you did not even blink twice when reading this, as a girl you are probably still wondering what word "pornstar" is supposed to be. Young males in their puberty years always seriously consider the idea of being a pornstar. Why not? Get paid to get laid everyday, and you're a celebrity. What's even better is your a celebrity that won't be constantly hounded by fans because they would then be admitting to the amount of porn they watch. I never knew if females felt the same way, but I kind of doubted it. Amongst all the roundtables for what do you want to be when you grow up most boys thought pornstar and said doctor, I figured most girls thought doctors and said doctors. Speaking of females wanting to be pornstars, right on cue comes the illustrious Sasha Grey.

Sasha Grey, which by the way is her stage name, is 22 years old and has been in well over 200 adult films. She started her career the second she turned 18. In interviews she says I always wanted to do porn. As a teenager she was fascinated by it, and wanted to make a career out of it. She was never raped, abused and actually had a quite comfortable upbringing. It's just what she wanted to do. I applaud you Sasha Grey because you pursued what I and many of my peers did not pursue. You saved money moved to L.A. got an agent and got to work doing what we love you for. Sorry, that was a long tangent, but well-deserved. By the way, the Girlfriend Experience by Steven Soderbergh is a great movie to me, but then again I love this girl (it is not a porno). She got in the industry, she broke records by becoming the youngest recipient of several AVN Adult movie awards, and represents herself in the industry. She is noted for how well-spoken and intellectual she is, and for me this is key. She has used her adult film career to enter into some mainstream movies slated for release this year, and used her pull in the industry to represent other girls entering the adult film industry, and let's not forget she is only 22.

Sex is sex, and it is a natural thing. Should the school receive money from a strip club? Hey if they really need it why not, it's not drug money. If you want to be a pornstar when you get older then go for it, be smart about it and excel at what you have chosen as your career. If you want to give back some of your earnings to those less fortunate, and they don't want it, well there is an old saying: "Beggars can't be choosers". As for me, I have long abandoned my dreams of becoming an adult film star, but that does not mean I do not take every "scene" I am in with professionalism and charisma as if the cameras were rolling. Ha, until next time...