From Polis to Politically Correct

*The day this post was written John R.K. Howard of Idaho received no jail time for kicking a coat hanger up the rectum of a mentally disabled black teammate #stayWoke*

As we have all seen politics can divide families, destroy friendships, and has the potential to bring about physical harm to self or others. Some background, if you will allow me. The word politics comes from the Greek word polis – which means city-state. Ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle noted that an inquiry into ethics necessarily follows into politics, which he declares the philosophy of human affairs. Plato’s Republic propositioned that the city-state should be governed by a ruler capable of comprehending the true nature of reality, justice and wisdom. Along came Machiavelli, the Italian philosopher and civil servant, who stated the leader should rule, swiftly, effectively, and in a calculated manner. Following this notion, politics began to be conceived as an art in which the best rulers were shrewd, and carefully calculated in dealing with enemies, population and timing of certain actions. All modern forms of political thought however recognize that the polis or city-state is of man’s own design; created as a way of collectively enforcing a societal rule beneficial to all people.  Appealing to political thought is ultimately an appeal to how a civil society should behave.

While the notions involved in human affairs, justice and wisdom have gone unchanged, it appears what it means to be a civil society has changed. This makes sense considering the way and manner in which we conduct ourselves has changed. Technology is literally (emphasis added) at our fingertips, both men and women have enjoyed a great deal of sexual liberation, the way in which we communicate has changed vastly – from handwriting letters to shooting a text message to someone thousand a miles away, and of course there is globalization. These are only a few factors that affect our day-to-day life that did not exist in Ancient times…in fact they have not even existed an entire century[1]. 

However, I posit the question should the way we conduct our daily lives change the idea of what it means to behave as a civil society? If justice, human affairs, wisdom are to be considered constant for the purpose of this post, then does it not follow the governing of these values should also remain constant. I remember Mr. Zachman’s 9^th grade government class well, and in particular I remembered his lesson on political correctness (which is ironic if anyone took his class). The term politically correct or “PC” was often used to describe speech that avoided marginalizing people who were socially discriminated against, very often PC speech was considered to be excessive. However, the idea behind it…to not marginalize people who were discriminated against was a worthwhile one. To me this idea…do not marginalize people who are already discriminated was kind of at the core of notions like justice and civility. 

Thus, it was always interesting to me when I went onto college and further education how many people in politics would do just that. They would treat those who were being discriminated as insignificant or worse criminal. These – politicians – in my mind were supposed to be the leaders of a civil society, they were the distributors of justice, they were the heralds of wisdom, and they were the representatives for ideal human behavior.  After all if the leader of the polis is a poor example of any of these things, then how does the city-state continue to run? Moreover, if the leader of society marginalizes those who are already discriminated against then does he actually serve the polis? Or is this a more polarized Machiavellian approach to governing that expands the highest denomination of the population by singling out the others?

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[1] Large scale globalization began occurring in the late 19^th century but the term not formerly recognized until the 1970s

Eternal Bachelor

The "Bachelor Life" inherently involves two things: being single and acting single. You make plans as they come, there is no set night for anything. You make talk to anyone at the crowded bar without hesitation. Most of being a bachelor comes naturally, take the home for instance.

The set up of your home screams "bachelor" even if you barely feel a whisper when you are there. The all black furniture, the simplicity of the coffee table with the three magazines clearly set-up for company. One side of the bed is deeper than the other, and you clean before company or when you choose to do so. The fridge remains 60% or less full. Your neighbors may not know your name, but they know your single due to the occasional night of parties, the random nights, or mornings, when dates can be seen leaving the apartment.  The fact you never decorate your door for the winter holidays, and do not show up to the community meetings.

All you really have to do to be single is to not get married. People, largely women, seem to believe that once you are engaged that you cease being single. However, if that were true, then why would the parties at the end of the engagement be called bachelor/bachelorette parties? Why is it that when information is requested, including the census, are your options: single, married, divorced...you might see a separated based on the document, but never engaged or semi-single. Anyways I digress...single is at its core, being without others.Sometimes you may be moved to take on a cuddle buddy of sorts, you may date someone for a few months, maybe even entertain this person could be the one...sorry that was rude...you may even BELIEVE this person could be the one. However, as stated at the beginning of this paragraph, until I do, you're still single. You may have someone you love and care for but you are single...you are without.

See as a single person you are free of restraints. You can get up and move, without worrying about a mouth to feed or a significant other to bring with you. Being single actually, and often, can help you be a better friend. As you are free of entanglements, you show up without a plus one and free to get as imbibed as you want; they can count on you to come over when they need a shoulder to cry on or be free to take a last minute trip. You can take different jobs, or entertain a different variety of ideas, that you not so single friends cannot entertain. You can color outside the lines.

So the question is...if single is to essentially be free, then why is such a negative connotation attached to being single. Why...or how does single translate to being lonely? I can think of several animals off the top of my head including the snow leopard, humpback whale, giant panda and the komodo dragon that do not mate for life, often rarely outside mating season. So when did we come to the conclusion that not taking on a partner was a sad thing...a lonely thing to occur? Well per usual I do not have an answer. But what I can tell you is it is a beautiful thing to start a family, it is a beautiful thing to find someone you love and desire to spend your life with, it is a beautiful thing to take in a young life and help mold it into a b person who joins and contributes to society, and not of these things I mentioned are mutually exclusive. So while I spend another year of my life not dating, I have no qualms, because I just justified being single with this very post.

State of Suspended Disbelief

Men do not cry. Men are strong. Men provide. They do not show their emotions easily. But today as I watch the continued destruction of Bill Cosby's public image, as I viewed Harvey Levin of TMZ remain resolute in labeling now deceased former DC mayor Marion Barry "Crackhead Mayor", as I see a Missouri grand jury fail to find it more probable than not that Officer Darren Wilson engaged in some type of wrongdoing resulting in the death of Michael Brown... I am left with only tears. I do not have the energy to debate, the fervor to protest, or the discontent to be angry. I want to feel the heavy weight in my heart, be sad, and admit that today has crushed me. I have been beaten senseless by the treatment of people like me in the media, in the legal system, and in society.

I spent my entire life doing what most kids do: trying their hardest to meet and/or exceed the standards and expectations of my parents. And for the most part I felt I was successful. I excelled in primary schools, went to an aesthetically pleasing and academically rigorous prestigious private predominantly white university. Not only did I do well there, but I made countless friends of different races and genders. I treated everyone as I wished to be treated, and from my personal experience, that same treatment was returned. I went onto law school (again prestigious and largely Caucasian), and again fared well. Soon after I managed to secure a job as a federal government attorney  in a very dismal economy. Up until now I felt quite blessed, up until tonight I thought I was a fine example of the American Dream, and how stereotypes of what a black man is does not apply to every black man. Up until now I believed that this set me apart from the rest, this would allow me to be a leader, uplift my community, and I would receive the fair treatment that the friends I had collected along the way received. Today has convinced me that there is futility in the path that I have chosen.

Tomorrow night, after working eight and a half hours at my federal job, I go to my mid-scale Northern Virginia gym, and while walking out wearing sweats and a hoodie, and fishing my car keys out of my bookbag, I happen to match the description of a suspect in the area. A cop approaches me, gun drawn (because after all the suspect may be armed) and repeatedly yells for me to freeze and put my hands up. I attempt to ask why I am being arrested, and explain that I am withdrawing my hands from my bookbag, but naturally he cannot hear me over his own continued yells for my surrender so he opens fire. And in less than 60 seconds everything I was and am is boiled down to an unarmed black man who was shot by a cop who had reason to believe I was dangerous. My 30 years of life on this earth is summed up into a hashtag #justiceforKamal and a night interview with the cop who took my life.

I, of all my peers, had always retained faith in this country. I had faith because I treated Matt, Amber, Paul, Steve, Becky, Liz, Nicole, Mike, Gretta, Kyle, Katie, Doran, Preston, Chloe, and countless other non-black people with the love and respect that my parents raised me to show, and they truly treated me the same. They did not see a stereotype, a statistic, a figure in history that instills fear and pity at the same time. They saw me as they saw any man. I saw so many of my fair skin friends relate to me on a basic human level and while unable to empathize they did sympathize with me. They inspired hope that by the time my future children arrived, there would be no need for sympathy or empathy because we would all be equal in every sense of the word. The pity and fear that is borne at the sight of a black man would be a historical fact instead of a present state of mind. I no longer can believe that. For years I have watched a country turn against their President, which used to be considered treason; laws created to halt the immigration of one group while quietly allowing the influx of others; conservatives becoming extremists and liberals becoming fanatics. Things are not getting better, but in fact, are getting worse. And for a person like me who has always been uniquely attuned to the plight of others, my heart has become too heavy for me to bear...and all I could do is cry.

Life Actually: Birth of a Role Model

I believe a role model is a person you can draw inspiration from, a person whose chosen walk of life is one you admire and one you wish to model your life after. I do not have a role model, largely because I have spent the last twenty plus years going with the flow of where life took me. Naturally I took classes that were of particular interest: philosophy of education, digital media convergence, quest for wholeness (by far my favorite course); but, never once did I envision the type of life I ultimately would want to lead.

Everything seemed to always work itself out: honor student in grade school and middle school, accepted to three different high schools and graduated with honors, accepted to various colleges, spent a year in NY before realizing it was not the college experience I desired and transferred to a more suitable collegiate environment (#LongLiveElon). I became a member of the greatest fraternity, and then went onto law school. I became very involved in law school, and graduated on time. Took the bar exam, passed on the second time and spent less than a year doing odd jobs before being hired at my current place of employment. Sure I have suffered ups and downs, a fair share of which I thought I might mot recover from, but I never really stopped to think about where my life was headed and the path I had traversed so far.

It is only quite recently with the introduction of new people in my life that I have begun to see some shape to what that life may look like. Due to my fondness for people and my curiosity into human behavior, I rather enjoy social experiments, and my most recent undertaking has exposed me to a culture and community that oddly enough made me learn more about myself and the type of man I want to be more than anything else. While I do not implore everyone to run social experiments, especially without some consent or agreements, I can honestly state that in leaving your comfort zone you can learn so much more about yourself then you would in continuing to lead your life uninterrupted.

How do I describe an experience you would need to live to capture? I cannot. In fact, isn't that the point? Similar to skydiving I can only tell you how awesome it was, but I cannot supply the information for you to experience it vicariously. You sometimes have to pull the brakes and catch your breath so you can experience life actually. Sometimes you have to experience a different sort of life in order to understand the type of life you have or the type of life you want. Become your own role model by doing something different and outside your normal walk of life.

Crisis Mode

When you hit crisis mode it may feel as if all your faculties have shut down, when in fact they have not stopped but been channeled towards resolving the crisis. Your brain suddenly remembers memories you had once forgotten, keenly aware of the events leading up to, and creating the situation you now find yourself in. It is essentially the flight-or-fight response geared towards fight mode. The multitude of ideas, thoughts, concepts, and plans that consistently fill your mind are replaced by the desire to figure out the present situation and find amicable resolution.

I recall back in my undergraduate days minoring in corporate communications and taking public relations courses, the idea of crisis management was a significant theme. When a crisis arises an entire company may halt its operations, experts called in, appointments and daily personal lives cancelled all in an aimed attempt to move quickly and effectively. Similarly, when we hit a crisis situation in our personal life we may stop our day, call our friends and family for advice, and cancel prior engagements to deal with the situation. A Public Relations practitioner is typically the best resource for a company/organization to use in a crisis situation because above all else your public image is most essential to surviving the crisis. However, when dealing with a personal crisis one can often find the best resource is not so easily ascertainable.

This is because it is in our nature to reach out during crisis mode. We, like organizations, can turn all our faculties and senses to the resolution of this crisis, but we still seek external help to solve internal problems. This is natural and it is also a mistake. Unlike an organization our personal crises are likely not affected by government regulations, stock values, and the consequences of our personal crisis are not likely to be covered by the likes of Washington Post or Page Six. In crisis mode the best plan comes from within you. By all means talk to friends and family, I always do, but ultimately you have to decide the correct course of action because you are the one who has to deal with the results. You remember how when the crisis first came about, you began recalling all the events that led up to it; this is to show that you are the one most equipped with the tools and understanding of the crisis and perhaps how best to resolve it. Whether to take the aggressive, passive aggressive, or standoff approach is ultimately a call you will have to make. Take counsel when you need it, heed the advice as you see fit, make the best effort to deal with the situation swiftly and effectively, and if you should fail; fail knowing that you naturally gave it your best shot. This is crisis mode.

Tick, Tock - Damn This Clock

I have no idea who bears the responsibility or how they set it off. Truth be told I do not care, please just turn it off. It did not happen first thing this morning like I was warned one day it would. Instead it occurred five minutes ago as I pulled into the metro station for the second leg of my morning commute. It went off, loud and clear as the alarm on my phone only an hour prior, my biological alarm clock.

This clock's alarm is not a loud piercing sound like a typical buzzer but "life's more challenging questions" in my head swirling and richocheting in my mind at the speed of light: you are 28 when will you settle down with someone to spend your life with? will these wonderful friendships you have bring the pitter-patter of children's feet to your home? when are you going to be an owner and stop being a renter? your niece will be three soon, no plans to provide her with a cousin her age, give your mom another grandchild? your looks and body will soon fall into disrepair and who will want you then? when will you come home to a warm smile instead of a cold bed?

For five minutes these questions pounded my brain leaving me with a kindle in my hand and the strong sense of insecurity. Only a few months ago I made the conscious decision to take a break from relationships and to allow myself to be single and find happiness within myself. Now with the incessant ringing in my head should I abandon this plan and make myself readily available to meet, greet, mingle until I find that special person. I was told only fools rush in, and momma ain't raise no fool. However, maybe they rushed in because it was the only was to shut off this Damn clock! How do you turn this off, oh my gosh...

Eager Beaver

Most, if not all, people have something they truly desire or want. It can be their drive in life, their sole motivation, or simply a goal they feel is necessary to arrive at contentment. With this in mind, have you ever been so desperate so eager to attain this end that you often fall victim to the same mistakes over and over in your efforts to get it? As you may have guessed, I have and this post is about that very thing.


To use an analogy, which I hope will help illustrate my point let us look at this goal as a business venture. Now you really want to be successful at this business venture, and in order to get there you make certain key investments, plans and partnerships. Sometimes your investment might fail, sometimes the plan is flawed, and sometimes you collaborate with the wrong people. Each time you make an effort to be successful at the venture you learn a little bit more about what works and what did not. (Insert science fair project flashback here). With each failure, you sense success as getting closer and closer. You with me so far...? Okay now what if it occurs to you that success is not getting closer but in reality, you are so eager to attain this goal that you are ignoring signs that this business venture will never come to fruition.

Sucks does it not? Not trying to be negative, cynical and realistic perhaps, but not negative. How do you know when your eagerness is blinding you to the truth that your efforts are completely futile? When do you cut your losses and choose a new endeavor? Is that even possible? If this is truly something that drives and motivates you then there is very little chance you will retire your pursuits of this "ultimate goal". I even played myself one time believing I would take a break from pursuing this venture only to later realize I was once again investing, planning, and partnering. Always the eager beaver when will I finish building this Damn and be able to rest happy?

God's Big Plans or Big Game?

You ever hear the expression: "if you ever want to make God laugh, tell him what you have planned." The point is to instruct people that whomever or whatever your Supreme being may be, they have the master plan for you and they know what is best suited for you. This may come in the forms of: challenges, opportunities, tragedies, achievements, losses, and gains. Ultimately, the point is to inform you, yes of course live your life to the best of your ability, but do not be surprised when things go off course and change leading you down a different path.

Often we, as humans, will set goals, benchmarks, dates, and timelines for the important things in our life. This can be as simple as what time to get to work or as complicated as to career and retirement choices. In the grand scheme of things, the more complicated plans we have are usually the ones that are interfered with in some shape, way or form. The issue is how we interpret this interruption and thus how we deal with it. For example, you promise yourself to find a job in federal government within 3 months. However, after 3 months you get a job offer from a non-profit, do you take it or wait for the federal job? Or perhaps you promised yourself you would never date another lawyer, but then you come upon someone who is great, treats you right, and is very honest. Two weeks later you discover they are a lawyer or plan to go to law school. Do you end it because of your plan, or do you go for it on the chance the greater power has something better in mind for you?

Even if you decide that this new job, new person, new opportunity is something that was unplanned and is perhaps the higher power creating a new path in your life; you then have to decided why it has been put in your life. See let us not forget that while we are given gifts, we are also gifted with hurdles and challenges. Could this job opportunity or new person actually be a test? Perhaps God simply wants to see how determined you are to meet your set goals. It is very possible that while working at the nonprofit company you not only are underpaid for the work and benefit you provide for the community, but you miss out on the federal job, and end up quitting to again look for a federal job within another 3 months. It is very possible that this new person who turns out to be of a type you never want to date again, begins lying to you a little while into the relationship and does all the things you were trying to avoid.

Unfortunately, we can never know these things up front. As you know my blog never really provides answers, and this one may even make you question more of these instances in your life. (Sorry in advance). However, I do always state my personal belief. When these things happen to me, I take a deep breath, look up to the sky, and say one thing: "You better not be playing me because I am not trying to go through this again." I never receive an answer but I feel better knowing I have voiced my concerns, and plan to proceed with caution.

When the $hit Hits the Fan

Have you ever had a run of bad luck? I mean a real run of bad luck? Talking about a series of unfortunate events occurring to the magnitude that you are in awe of its power to affect your life. Well I have. Quite recently in fact, those closest can attest to that much.

Here is the thing with having a run of bad luck, there is a sense of powerlessness where you actually feel like you are being punished by anyone of the supreme beings floating above us. It is an insane feeling. Wondering what you could have done, why would the universe treat you so harshly. No matter your intentions something seems to spoil your plans. Even the smallest things, the ones that are not a huge issue such as spilling milk or leaving your windows down when it rains, can become a significant source of frustration. Simply because there is this consistent feeling that you cannot stop the unfortunate events from happening in your life.

In addition, what makes the series stand out the most is the intensity versus duration. To have such major issues evolve in a short span of time can not only be disconcerting but disilliousining. Because these things occur in say a 3-month period there are certain residuals that are bound to linger long after your run of bad luck has ceased. The sobering effect of these residuals are often reminders of how bad things can get. What I have chosen to learn from this is that it is important to seize the few opportunities life offers to feel truly happy, because every so often the world can make you feel as though you are serving out a punishment in the fires of Tartarus.

Gym Etiquette (7 Simple Rules)

For those who do not know there is a right way and a wrong way to do most things in this world, and that includes things involving fitness. This post is meant for everyone who has, does or plans to work out at a gym; however, I have a feeling this will resonate more with men than women.

1. Tuned out - No I do not have a problem with you, but I came to work out. I have my headphones everytime I work out. I am in the gym usually during my lunch, so I do not have time to sit and chat with you. And seeing my headphones on should make you acutely aware of that. If you do need to interrupt me then it should be related to fitness, to make a hilarious joke, and it would be considerate of you if you did so after I have completed my set. In other words if I am actually in the process of lifting, do not interrupt me for any reason, and if I am not actually lifting do it with a purpose. Shout-out to the old lady who waited for me to complete my set before asking me to show her how a machine worked and spot her.
2. Are You Done Yet? - Now I pretty much always do supersets (combining two or more exercises and alternating in between sets), and often times in doing supersets you may become aware that someone is waiting to use the equipment you are using or that you may just be taking up a lot of time. I personally, will only do two exercises so that way I am not taking up a lot of equipment. If you also do supersets or just work out slow, it is kind to be aware of your surroundings and offer someone to work in with you for that equipment. Or even better work out expeditiously. along with this I must implore you to put the damn weights back. I, personally, do nto care if you put them back exactly where they belong (though you should) but just put them back. When I see weights on the floor I believe they are in use, and will look them over.
3. Keeping Things Private - I do not attend a gym near my house so I regularly shower and change at the gym post-workout. I am not comfortable engaging in covnersation while I am naked or about to be naked. Especially if I do not even know you, and seeing each other at the gym all the time does not constitue knowing me. Now, there is a caveat to this. If you and I were already engaged in conversation, prior to the changing/undressing then I do not expect you to abruptly stop. But it's just a courtesy, similar to the way I would not start speaking to you while you are using the urinal.
4. Keep it down - I understand the grunting, I can get a little noisy, especially on the days I try to move up in weights. However, there are some cats at the gym who feel they need to cause a ruckus. Homie, if it is that serious maybe you should move down in weights and rock a muzzle something. It's not because you are louder than my iPod, which is in fact part of the problem, but there was one time this dude got real loud in the middle of one of my reps and I damn near dropped the weight out of surprise.
5. Keep it Fresh - it did not take me long to discover that clothes with sweat on them stink. I know you are in there to sweat and work out, but some kats have left the gym floor or the lockerroom smelling like fresh vomit from a college freshman or a high school hockey team locker room. If you are serious about fitness you should try to have multiple outfits. If you cannot afford to wash your gym clothes right after your workout, hang them up to dry before putting them in the hamper. Trust me, letting the sweat air dry off the clothes will save you from a lot of stains and a lot of funk.
6. Keep it Cool - it just the gym, it is just fitness, it is a part of life. There is no reason to curse someone out over a machine, class, locker at a place most people go to de-stress. "You're fucking up my (adrenaline/endorphin) high lady, calm down." This is sort of like causing a ruckus with the grunts. There really is no need for really loud yelling, noise or anger at the gym.
7. No pictures, please - Now I have always had some trouble keeping up with what's trendy now. However, I have noticed a lot of dudes posting up pics of themselves at the gym. While I do not understand this bizzare practice, I will not criticize what I do not understand. Just make sure when you snap a pic of yourself, it is of yourself, ensure you do not catch any part of me in your pic. I am there to work out, not look good. Also, if you are going to do it, do it on the floor not in the lockerroom, that is just extra weird for a grown ass man to be walking around a lockerroom snapping pics.

These 7 Simple Rules are all I ask, and all I think anyone is entitled to expect when they go to the gym.