Down-Low Brothas
For the purposes of this blog DL Bruhs may sometimes be referred to "suspect" dudes. Also, a disclaimer: this is in no way meant to judge anyone on their lifestyle, call anybody out, or hurt anyone's feelings. This is simply my brief evaluation of a situation that is so taboo even our bold Western media strives to avert its eyes. Finally, a preface; "down-low brothas" refers to black men who are not simply "in the closet" but go about life as a seemingly straight man, may have girlfriends, may have a wife and kids, but all the while is screwing men on the side. These DL guys are suspected of being the root cause to the HIV/AIDS outbreak in the African-American community because they have sex with men contract the disease and then go home to sleep with their wives, girlfriends, or other men. See nobody talks about it, not too much is done to take action. This subject alone has been written about, filmed about, studied in various psychology programs, and while receiving critical acclaim never receives wide-spread support because in its nature it is taboo.
Suspect dudes are everywhere. Let's call a spade a spade. They are your brother, your best friend, your boyfriend, one of your boys, your drugdealer, your father, uncle and cousin. While many have tried to suggest signs of identifying a DL brutha, there is no tell-tale way. Well my friend does not watch any sports, so he must be gay? Maybe. This guy has nothing but female friends, he must be gay right? Perhaps. Well he hit me up asking if I wanted to go to the bar or get drinks, so he must "get down" (another term used to signify down-low behavior)? He may, I'm not sure. The fact is you never really know for sure who a suspect dude is. Chances are he is the dude who looks a little too long at another dude who just entered the room. At the same time chances are he is the dude who is looking too long at the girl who just walked by, in his vain effort to fit in. Chances are he wants to drink with you at your house no females around. Chances are he wants to go out and get drinks so he can check out other dudes and get a feel for you in a social environment. As I said there is no sure fire way to tell.
Why is this more a problem in the black community then the white community? Simple, homophobia is worse here. Yeah you read/hear about the hate crimes occurring and it is almost always a Caucasian on both sides of it. But I promise you, I promise you (in my best Kevin Hart voice) it exists so badly in the black community it is not worth covering. To make matters worse, the advent of faster internet and online hook-ups have made being a suspect dude easier. All they have to do now is log on, find someone, meet up, do their thang and go back to their seemingly heterosexual lives. They don't have to worry about being caught by someone they know coming onto a guy or kissing a dude because none of the action has to see the light of day anymore. Log on, exchange info, text/vid chat, meet up in private, finish and leave. In fact, it is my belief (and feel free to fight me on this) that internet hook-ups have become so easy and commonplace for DL bruhs that it not longer offers them a challenge, know what their new challenge is: flipping straight men. "Suspect" guys have now turned to creating more of them as their new challenge. It is a goal: befriend someone believed to be straight, get close to him, and then see how far he lets you go. I guess, let me put myself out there a bit...I have a problem with this. Number one, if this "straight" guy lets you go far with it, then bottom line you did not flip anyone he was already down low just better at playing it then you were. Number two, if he stops you before anything of a sexual nature occurs, he will probably do so with his fist or worse...
Now obviously there is a lot more I can say on this. But I try to keep my blogs somewhat short. Also, I am only allowed to use my lunch break to blog, cannot do so during work hours. So...yeah, lol. Anyways. This was a quick overview of a much larger subject matter. I offer no solutions, only an evaluation. At bottom, there is no sure way to tell a DL bruh from a "straight" dude. Chances are a number of people you know are DL. Chances are even if they aren't the way the popularity for it grows, they are curious about it. I hope you don't punch your good friend in the mouth for dapping you up too long.
I think the best thing for DL/Suspect bruthas to do is to tell someone. I know homophobia is literally a "killer" in the black community, but tell someone. Someone you can trust, and someone who will not judge you, and not someone else who is DL. I think having someone to talk to honestly and openly will increase your openness to live a more honest life. But hey this is just my opinion, as most people know I don't have room to judge, lol. Anyways point is, be aware, make a friend, and be safe.
Suspect dudes are everywhere. Let's call a spade a spade. They are your brother, your best friend, your boyfriend, one of your boys, your drugdealer, your father, uncle and cousin. While many have tried to suggest signs of identifying a DL brutha, there is no tell-tale way. Well my friend does not watch any sports, so he must be gay? Maybe. This guy has nothing but female friends, he must be gay right? Perhaps. Well he hit me up asking if I wanted to go to the bar or get drinks, so he must "get down" (another term used to signify down-low behavior)? He may, I'm not sure. The fact is you never really know for sure who a suspect dude is. Chances are he is the dude who looks a little too long at another dude who just entered the room. At the same time chances are he is the dude who is looking too long at the girl who just walked by, in his vain effort to fit in. Chances are he wants to drink with you at your house no females around. Chances are he wants to go out and get drinks so he can check out other dudes and get a feel for you in a social environment. As I said there is no sure fire way to tell.
Why is this more a problem in the black community then the white community? Simple, homophobia is worse here. Yeah you read/hear about the hate crimes occurring and it is almost always a Caucasian on both sides of it. But I promise you, I promise you (in my best Kevin Hart voice) it exists so badly in the black community it is not worth covering. To make matters worse, the advent of faster internet and online hook-ups have made being a suspect dude easier. All they have to do now is log on, find someone, meet up, do their thang and go back to their seemingly heterosexual lives. They don't have to worry about being caught by someone they know coming onto a guy or kissing a dude because none of the action has to see the light of day anymore. Log on, exchange info, text/vid chat, meet up in private, finish and leave. In fact, it is my belief (and feel free to fight me on this) that internet hook-ups have become so easy and commonplace for DL bruhs that it not longer offers them a challenge, know what their new challenge is: flipping straight men. "Suspect" guys have now turned to creating more of them as their new challenge. It is a goal: befriend someone believed to be straight, get close to him, and then see how far he lets you go. I guess, let me put myself out there a bit...I have a problem with this. Number one, if this "straight" guy lets you go far with it, then bottom line you did not flip anyone he was already down low just better at playing it then you were. Number two, if he stops you before anything of a sexual nature occurs, he will probably do so with his fist or worse...
Now obviously there is a lot more I can say on this. But I try to keep my blogs somewhat short. Also, I am only allowed to use my lunch break to blog, cannot do so during work hours. So...yeah, lol. Anyways. This was a quick overview of a much larger subject matter. I offer no solutions, only an evaluation. At bottom, there is no sure way to tell a DL bruh from a "straight" dude. Chances are a number of people you know are DL. Chances are even if they aren't the way the popularity for it grows, they are curious about it. I hope you don't punch your good friend in the mouth for dapping you up too long.
I think the best thing for DL/Suspect bruthas to do is to tell someone. I know homophobia is literally a "killer" in the black community, but tell someone. Someone you can trust, and someone who will not judge you, and not someone else who is DL. I think having someone to talk to honestly and openly will increase your openness to live a more honest life. But hey this is just my opinion, as most people know I don't have room to judge, lol. Anyways point is, be aware, make a friend, and be safe.
posted by K. Jobe | 12:56
5 Comments:
I may be naive and more accepting than most but I don't think "homophobia" is the real problem. There's been a lot more acceptance of gay males in the Black community now than ever before. It's quite common to see openly gay black men everywhere - at least in NY. So I'm wondering whether homophobia and "DL brothas" aren't separate issues. I personally don't have a problem with gay males, but I do have a problem with men on the DL. The lies are just disgusting, selfish and greedy. If a man wants to sleep with both males and females then he needs to let his partners know that instead of blatantly lying about it.
Thanks Sheena. I did not meant to suggest they were completely related. It is true, especially in NY, that there has been more acceptance of gay black men. I think this is becoming the trend nationwide, but I do think homophobia in one's own neighborhood or family does contribute to their desire to stay in the closet. Similarly, I think staying in the closet is separate from being DL. You can "be in the closet", but still not lead a double life.
Homophobia is still a huge problem, especially in Black American culture. Evident by the recent over denial to appeal "don't ask don't tell". Of course this is not seen in New York, but New York is a haven for cultural acceptance not a representation of the overall America sentiment to homosexuals, espcially black sentiment. Not only that, but Black culture fosters a prevalence for homophobia. Hip-hop culture, Christianity, Islam, southern culture, etc. all of these are extremely ambivalent toward the tolerance never mind acceptance of gays as even human beings. The root of the problem is in a overwhelming negative view and ignorance toward homosexuality. Even the term "down-low" reflects a desire not to understand why a young man chooses to hide his sexuality, but to openly criticizes and ultimately condemn that behavior. As progressive as Black people think they are, we are often the most backwards when its comes to openly discussing our sexuality.
SN: There is a way you can post blog entries while on the clock. Especially, since you have a Blackberry. Under settings you can set up an email address that will send blog entries straight to your blog. :-)
Lol, I love my friends
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