The Man Who Couldn't Love
I am assuming by now we have all been in relationships, and we have all said "I love you" or "I love you too." This blog is for those of us, myself included, who has said I love you to more than one person. We are not talking I love you to mom, grandma, or a good friend. But when you have dated someone for a while and you say I love you to them, and then a year or two down the line feel that you are now in love with someone else. What makes this love different than the last? How do you know that planning the life together with the girl you are currently dating, is any different than the life you had planned with the girl you dated from 2007-2009? A lot of times you may say, well I did love that person but it was not meant to be. Maybe you say I did love her, but I love you more. Or maybe you take the high road and simply say love was not enough.
How do you really know which is love? Maybe you are not loving at all. Perhaps that overwhelming feeling that you could spend your life with this person, is a natural reaction to enjoying the company of another in physical, emotional and spiritual aspects. Each time I have fallen in love it feels stronger than the last, so when do you make the determination that this is really the one? Your peers may say you should be the one that makes you happiest. The elderly will tell you be with the person who will we make a great mother and a great wife. Your mom will tell you, if she can't use her comb, don't bring her home. Just kidding...a little.
Let's get down to brass tactics. I am the same in every relationship. I am a Leo man true and through. Feel free to learn more here. I am over the top when in love, and the person who I give this love to is the center of my universe. This is great for my lover, but a smidgen confusing for me. Is my perfect match the person who willingly accepts me showering them with love and affection without taking me for granted? Is the perfect match the person who can match me toe to toe in making love priority #1? Or is it the fact that the reason I am asking all these questions because I still have not actually fallen in love or been in love. Maybe some of you reading this can feel the same, and wonder is the feeling you have experienced, are experiencing, will experience again, is that really love? I am a philosophy major so I will always question the world and myself, starting with my own feelings.
I have friends who are happily married. I have friends who seem like the happiest couples. I have more friends who have simply settled for what is adequate. Is finding love a matter of finding the right one, or a matter of actions within the relationship itself? I recall reading a book sometime ago. In this book, a man requested advice from a therapist he met. He told the therapist that he did not love his wife anymore, and was not sure what to do. The therapist replied, "Love her. Love is not a thing, it is not a noun. Love is something you do. It is a verb. You love someone. You cannot lose love and you cannot find it. You make it, you act it." I like this line. I believe that if you want to love someone then you can, and if they love you back you can make it work. I guess the answer to my earlier questions is simply that the one for me is the one who will love me back, and make it work against all odds.
How do you really know which is love? Maybe you are not loving at all. Perhaps that overwhelming feeling that you could spend your life with this person, is a natural reaction to enjoying the company of another in physical, emotional and spiritual aspects. Each time I have fallen in love it feels stronger than the last, so when do you make the determination that this is really the one? Your peers may say you should be the one that makes you happiest. The elderly will tell you be with the person who will we make a great mother and a great wife. Your mom will tell you, if she can't use her comb, don't bring her home. Just kidding...a little.
Let's get down to brass tactics. I am the same in every relationship. I am a Leo man true and through. Feel free to learn more here. I am over the top when in love, and the person who I give this love to is the center of my universe. This is great for my lover, but a smidgen confusing for me. Is my perfect match the person who willingly accepts me showering them with love and affection without taking me for granted? Is the perfect match the person who can match me toe to toe in making love priority #1? Or is it the fact that the reason I am asking all these questions because I still have not actually fallen in love or been in love. Maybe some of you reading this can feel the same, and wonder is the feeling you have experienced, are experiencing, will experience again, is that really love? I am a philosophy major so I will always question the world and myself, starting with my own feelings.
I have friends who are happily married. I have friends who seem like the happiest couples. I have more friends who have simply settled for what is adequate. Is finding love a matter of finding the right one, or a matter of actions within the relationship itself? I recall reading a book sometime ago. In this book, a man requested advice from a therapist he met. He told the therapist that he did not love his wife anymore, and was not sure what to do. The therapist replied, "Love her. Love is not a thing, it is not a noun. Love is something you do. It is a verb. You love someone. You cannot lose love and you cannot find it. You make it, you act it." I like this line. I believe that if you want to love someone then you can, and if they love you back you can make it work. I guess the answer to my earlier questions is simply that the one for me is the one who will love me back, and make it work against all odds.
posted by K. Jobe | 11:19
1 Comments:
One of my favorite quotes about love is from the amptly named "Love Jones" Isiah Jones' character who we remember was going through it with his wife, was having a conversation with his guys and he simply said "Love is what you make and with whom you make it."
That to me is the long and short of it, if you don't work for it, you won't have it.
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