F*#kin Perfect

A group of friends and I recently discussed the value of aesthetics in certain communities, specifically the value we place on appearances. Now some conjectured various reasons or rationales behind it, but at the end of the day we all are aware that society as a whole has placed certain ideas of what makes one beautiful on us. In Japan they want wide eyes like Americans, in America we want to minimize our eyes to look exotic. A few months ago I was out on a date with this girl (promise I am not digressing), and she commented that she had never been out with a guy like me. She felt as though she was really getting to know me. She said most black men are so reserved, or only dress a certain way, talk a certain way, etc. I told her I am who I am. It took me a very long time to become comfortable in my own skin. It was not until I became comfortable in my own skin, (which, by the way, is more recent than you may even dare to guess) that I was able to present myself to others the way I truly feel and am.

When I was a kid I hated my height, my head, and my ass. Do not snicker, you read correctly. The head and height were obvious.Like Skee-Lo I wished I was a little bit taller because no girl wanted a dude shorter than her, and to be honest I did not want one taller than me. My head was a source of relentless teasing and bullying as a child into my teenage years. My ass is a little bit more complicated: in grade school up to high school I had to wear a uniform. And my uniform pants hugged my waist pretty tight, I tried to sag like the other guys but my ass got in the way. I did not want people to see I had a big butt so I would walk tucking it in, which in effect made it look like I was poking my stomach out. Yeah, yeah yuck it up. But I promise if you did a searching inventory of yourself, you too would find you did some dumb things in a veiled effort to minimize what you perceived your flaws to be.

And that's the thing I realized as I said quite recently. These are the flaws we perceive, but if you accept them as not flaws but characteristics of who you are you will find yourself more comfortable and ready to embrace who you want to be. Now recently I published a post dealing primarily with fitness " Look At Me Now ." I want to emphasize that this is in no way suggesting that you need to fit some ideal society or you yourself feel is necessary. Simply meant to promote health and overall fitness consciousness because it does affect your life. With that said I want today's post to make sure that people understand everyone has flaws and everyone thinks they are the worst thing in the world. This weekend I attended my friend's wedding (see Facebook pics). Now my friend is one of the most gorgeous women I know, and anyone who knows her knows this. Although she is beautiful on the inside and outside she has told me about things she would love to alter about herself, which are things an outside could not possibly understand because it is her body and they are flaws she perceived since being a child. And she is not the exception, she is the rule or common happenstance.

Now granted you may feel like there is a contradiction with someone who loses 13 lbs through diet and exercise, then tells you to accept who you are. I am not one to mislead so I will explain. Nutrition and fitness I can control, the shape of my head, my height, my other flaws I cannot. The point being that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses both physically and mentally. Often times our physical flaws become a mental weakness because they are subjects we are sensitive about. However, the sooner you realize it is what makes you perfect for you; the sooner you can feel comfortable in your own skin and present yourself to the world like an individual and not a stereotype or worse the shell of the person you would like to be.