Loss of Innocence
When I was a child I believed the world could find peace. I feared bullies were the end of my world. I aspired to find the love of my life and live happily ever after. I believed, I feared and I aspired. Reflecting back on those feelings I feel sorry that person is gone. Reflecting back I realize how blissful ignorance truly is. I miss the innocence that we have as children, and wonder if had that innocence survived, would a world change truly be in order.
When we are young, our world is small and, as psychologists will tell you, it is very egocentric. However, as such we carry simple but strong beliefs about the world around us and what it is capable. We have not been knocked down by life, we have not had the challenges in life that will surely shape a more realistic view of the universe. War, slavery, imperialism, and racism was something to read about..it was in the history books. I, personally, believed that those days were long behind. It was not until a black manager of a CVS followed me around for 10 minutes in the store before asking me to leave, after I had confronted him, that I understood racism does not necessarily bear a white face. It was not until at my prestigious majority white undergraduate institution did I hear a drunk white guy use the n* word in a derogatory way that I realized discrimination lay hidden barely below the surface.
When we are in grade school through high school, our peers and teachers judgment of us make up the world. Being bullied about the size of my head (true story) caused me so much sadness growing up. I did not want to go to school, and if I went I only talked to females because they would never tease me. Getting into a fight was something I dreaded because somehow I guess I convinced myself serious bodily harm even death could befall me. Reputation was everything and on "personality picture" day it was life or death to have the nicest, flyest clothes. Now the decisions that Congress and the President make weigh heavy on my shoulders. Now the way you vote on a certain issue can rub me the wrong way. Now I have to concern myself with a "terrorist" attacks, drunk drivers, "hate" crimes, and the like. When we are younger we see an end to sight in regards to the things we fear, thinking things will be better when I get home, or when I get to high school. Now there is no end in sight, and we only learn to live with a bit of insurmountable fear because we see no escape from it.
Love. That four letter that comforted me and brightened my future from the time I was a teenager. When we are in our teens we are convinced that we can get our happily ever after. We do not conceive of the heartache and pain that will befall us in our attempt to find love and to keep love. We are blindly unaware of the people who will use this word in an attempt to get what they want, and we are unfairly blind to the fact that loving someone does not always mean they will reciprocate. We do not yet know that love's all-too-oft-appearing cousin "lust" can confuse, befuddle, shade, and ensnare our senses leading our heart down the wrong path.
These experiences, these trials did more than erase my naivety, they robbed me of my innocence. Once that innocence is gone there is no getting it back. You start to treat the world as a cold cruel place. It is the world that turned against you during your youth forcing you to face cold harsh realities of life. On the flip side of this loss, you gain insight on the value of those close to you. You define loyalty and true friends as the people who help maintain and inspire that youthful playfulness, trust, and comfort that in the back of your mind you still desire. Why else would you experience times of nostalgia? Why else would you reflect so fondly on things from your past? Because they remind you of a time when your thoughts were simple and so was the world, and you can go back to what you lost.
When we are young, our world is small and, as psychologists will tell you, it is very egocentric. However, as such we carry simple but strong beliefs about the world around us and what it is capable. We have not been knocked down by life, we have not had the challenges in life that will surely shape a more realistic view of the universe. War, slavery, imperialism, and racism was something to read about..it was in the history books. I, personally, believed that those days were long behind. It was not until a black manager of a CVS followed me around for 10 minutes in the store before asking me to leave, after I had confronted him, that I understood racism does not necessarily bear a white face. It was not until at my prestigious majority white undergraduate institution did I hear a drunk white guy use the n* word in a derogatory way that I realized discrimination lay hidden barely below the surface.
When we are in grade school through high school, our peers and teachers judgment of us make up the world. Being bullied about the size of my head (true story) caused me so much sadness growing up. I did not want to go to school, and if I went I only talked to females because they would never tease me. Getting into a fight was something I dreaded because somehow I guess I convinced myself serious bodily harm even death could befall me. Reputation was everything and on "personality picture" day it was life or death to have the nicest, flyest clothes. Now the decisions that Congress and the President make weigh heavy on my shoulders. Now the way you vote on a certain issue can rub me the wrong way. Now I have to concern myself with a "terrorist" attacks, drunk drivers, "hate" crimes, and the like. When we are younger we see an end to sight in regards to the things we fear, thinking things will be better when I get home, or when I get to high school. Now there is no end in sight, and we only learn to live with a bit of insurmountable fear because we see no escape from it.
Love. That four letter that comforted me and brightened my future from the time I was a teenager. When we are in our teens we are convinced that we can get our happily ever after. We do not conceive of the heartache and pain that will befall us in our attempt to find love and to keep love. We are blindly unaware of the people who will use this word in an attempt to get what they want, and we are unfairly blind to the fact that loving someone does not always mean they will reciprocate. We do not yet know that love's all-too-oft-appearing cousin "lust" can confuse, befuddle, shade, and ensnare our senses leading our heart down the wrong path.
These experiences, these trials did more than erase my naivety, they robbed me of my innocence. Once that innocence is gone there is no getting it back. You start to treat the world as a cold cruel place. It is the world that turned against you during your youth forcing you to face cold harsh realities of life. On the flip side of this loss, you gain insight on the value of those close to you. You define loyalty and true friends as the people who help maintain and inspire that youthful playfulness, trust, and comfort that in the back of your mind you still desire. Why else would you experience times of nostalgia? Why else would you reflect so fondly on things from your past? Because they remind you of a time when your thoughts were simple and so was the world, and you can go back to what you lost.
posted by K. Jobe | 23:11
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home