Pretentious Behavior, Ode to the DMV
Disclaimer: I love DC and I love PG. I am even growing to have "positive feelings" about Montgomery County and select cities in Virginia. This blogpost is simply an observation of what I have noticed in the past 6 months since I relocated here. If what I write bothers you, you know how to get in contact with me or leave a comment on the page.
Let's be honest this area known as the DMV (DC, Maryland, Virginia) has some of THE most pretentious stuck up ass mofos I have ever encountered. I have been to Miami, L.A., Boston, NY, Canada, throughout the Caribbean, and I can say with 100% certainty people in this area have put themselves on some sort of pedestal of being holier than thou. (I will get to the fakeness in a second). "Hi, my name is Keisha, I got my own place, pay my own bills, drive my own car, and graduated from college. I don't need no man trying to run my life." Well congratulations Keisha, but check this sweetheart, women like you are a dime a dozen. You being independent does not mean your ish does not bleed. You know how there is that saying: "money talks". Well in the DMV it's really the people that talk ...about money. The worse part is most of them are unaware that money is almost all the talk about. They catch themselves believing that they are down to earth and not shallow. When the only thing you are talking about (and this goes for the DMV men too) how much money you spending, things you are going to buy, how much you get paid, how this bill or that item "ain't nothing", yeah I am talking about you. Now it is one thing if I show you my watch or briefcase, and you ask how much it cost, because perhaps you are interested in getting one. It is quite another if you ask how much it cost, and after hearing the price say, "Oh yeah I could buy 3 of them."When you set up your dating standards to include how much money a person makes, or WORSE, how much money they make in comparison to you. Yep, you guessed it, you to me sound like a pompous ass. Hey, if that's you then claim it, but do not call yourself deep and not shallow. You're shallow as hell, OWN IT!
One of the first questions often asked of me is what do I do? Now, this I cannot put on the DMV solely because it happens to be more of an American thing (price you pay for a capitalist society I suppose). However, if I meet you through a mutual friend, there is a group of us drinking and such, and you ask what do I do; in my head I am thinking what business is that of yours. I only met you a few minutes ago, why do you need to know what I do. Then when I respond, "work for the government", I get pressed further. Last I checked, I did not sign any waiver to be interviewed nor was I read Miranda rights for this interrogation. Furthermore, when you tell me what I should and should not be able to afford...that shit annoys me. Get out of my pocket. You know not of what expenses I have, how much I am saving, what I am looking to invest, and moreover it is none of your business. Unless you are assisting me in getting a tax break (i.e. marriage), or signing my paycheck then you have no business knowing my income or my expenses.
Onto the fakeness, which is another huge thing in my Ode to the DMV. This again is for men and women. Please oh please stop keeping up appearances. People who act as if their life is a reality television show: always out, have multiple dates, spending money they probably don't have (thin line between pretentious and fake). They only want to go places where a lot of people can see them and they want to tweet about it, so you know how much more fun they are having than you. Sidenote: it occurs to me that the times I am having the most fun I never stop to tweet, maybe that is only me though. You act like you get all the females, but if I bring some girls around you, your face is stuck to your phone; ain't shit happening on Facebook man. You act like you can get any dude you want with the snap of your fingers, so why are you in your 30s and still single, oh my fault that's the life you chose, right?! Dude, stop acting like me and you are boys, when nothing could be further from the truth. Check this son, peep this kid, if I am not talking to you outside of social situations we are not friends. Emphasis on that period aka full stop. That is nothing against you, per say, I am simply asking you to not act like you know me when you don't know the first thing about me. Yeah this is a not-so subliminal message directed at more than one person. Last time I ACTUALLY lived here was in 2002, and a lot changes in 8 or 9 years. Hell a lot changes in one year, so yeah check that.
Another thing these fake people will commonly do is act as if they are your friend. I know you're thinking "Mean Girls", but it is not quite that simple. These people will quickly talk about their own friends behind their back, but not in a way of gossip but almost as in an informative way. "The thing about M is that she sometimes gets in her feelings when this happens..." "I used to date M but then I realized she was not trustworthy". I feel like you should not be telling me negative things about people you call friends, or moreover you should not be telling me negative things about people I only just met. Because if you could talk ish about someone you dated or have known for years then you can clearly talk ish about me, someone you have known for a few months. Then you wonder why I'm not all up on you like the rest of these suckas, please.
Like I said I love the DMV, I am from here and while there has been a stark change in the environment since I left I still love it. I am above all else a people person. Regardless of size, age, color, religion, sexuality, ethnicity I love people. Chances are some people will read this and think I am referring to you, and I most likely am. If you are relatively new to the DMV, chances are you are already becoming infected. Never fear there are many many people in the DMV who are still real. They are down to earth, honest, hard-working, and trustworthy but you have to search for them. They are in the midst. They linger in the basement of 18th Amendment, or frequent Fridays on King Street. You may catch them more often simply in the streets or at home on a Friday night. They are the people who can read this post and say "yep, it's all true". To these people I say, "Congratulations, we are immune to the spread of pretentious behavior."
Let's be honest this area known as the DMV (DC, Maryland, Virginia) has some of THE most pretentious stuck up ass mofos I have ever encountered. I have been to Miami, L.A., Boston, NY, Canada, throughout the Caribbean, and I can say with 100% certainty people in this area have put themselves on some sort of pedestal of being holier than thou. (I will get to the fakeness in a second). "Hi, my name is Keisha, I got my own place, pay my own bills, drive my own car, and graduated from college. I don't need no man trying to run my life." Well congratulations Keisha, but check this sweetheart, women like you are a dime a dozen. You being independent does not mean your ish does not bleed. You know how there is that saying: "money talks". Well in the DMV it's really the people that talk ...about money. The worse part is most of them are unaware that money is almost all the talk about. They catch themselves believing that they are down to earth and not shallow. When the only thing you are talking about (and this goes for the DMV men too) how much money you spending, things you are going to buy, how much you get paid, how this bill or that item "ain't nothing", yeah I am talking about you. Now it is one thing if I show you my watch or briefcase, and you ask how much it cost, because perhaps you are interested in getting one. It is quite another if you ask how much it cost, and after hearing the price say, "Oh yeah I could buy 3 of them."When you set up your dating standards to include how much money a person makes, or WORSE, how much money they make in comparison to you. Yep, you guessed it, you to me sound like a pompous ass. Hey, if that's you then claim it, but do not call yourself deep and not shallow. You're shallow as hell, OWN IT!
One of the first questions often asked of me is what do I do? Now, this I cannot put on the DMV solely because it happens to be more of an American thing (price you pay for a capitalist society I suppose). However, if I meet you through a mutual friend, there is a group of us drinking and such, and you ask what do I do; in my head I am thinking what business is that of yours. I only met you a few minutes ago, why do you need to know what I do. Then when I respond, "work for the government", I get pressed further. Last I checked, I did not sign any waiver to be interviewed nor was I read Miranda rights for this interrogation. Furthermore, when you tell me what I should and should not be able to afford...that shit annoys me. Get out of my pocket. You know not of what expenses I have, how much I am saving, what I am looking to invest, and moreover it is none of your business. Unless you are assisting me in getting a tax break (i.e. marriage), or signing my paycheck then you have no business knowing my income or my expenses.
Onto the fakeness, which is another huge thing in my Ode to the DMV. This again is for men and women. Please oh please stop keeping up appearances. People who act as if their life is a reality television show: always out, have multiple dates, spending money they probably don't have (thin line between pretentious and fake). They only want to go places where a lot of people can see them and they want to tweet about it, so you know how much more fun they are having than you. Sidenote: it occurs to me that the times I am having the most fun I never stop to tweet, maybe that is only me though. You act like you get all the females, but if I bring some girls around you, your face is stuck to your phone; ain't shit happening on Facebook man. You act like you can get any dude you want with the snap of your fingers, so why are you in your 30s and still single, oh my fault that's the life you chose, right?! Dude, stop acting like me and you are boys, when nothing could be further from the truth. Check this son, peep this kid, if I am not talking to you outside of social situations we are not friends. Emphasis on that period aka full stop. That is nothing against you, per say, I am simply asking you to not act like you know me when you don't know the first thing about me. Yeah this is a not-so subliminal message directed at more than one person. Last time I ACTUALLY lived here was in 2002, and a lot changes in 8 or 9 years. Hell a lot changes in one year, so yeah check that.
Another thing these fake people will commonly do is act as if they are your friend. I know you're thinking "Mean Girls", but it is not quite that simple. These people will quickly talk about their own friends behind their back, but not in a way of gossip but almost as in an informative way. "The thing about M is that she sometimes gets in her feelings when this happens..." "I used to date M but then I realized she was not trustworthy". I feel like you should not be telling me negative things about people you call friends, or moreover you should not be telling me negative things about people I only just met. Because if you could talk ish about someone you dated or have known for years then you can clearly talk ish about me, someone you have known for a few months. Then you wonder why I'm not all up on you like the rest of these suckas, please.
Like I said I love the DMV, I am from here and while there has been a stark change in the environment since I left I still love it. I am above all else a people person. Regardless of size, age, color, religion, sexuality, ethnicity I love people. Chances are some people will read this and think I am referring to you, and I most likely am. If you are relatively new to the DMV, chances are you are already becoming infected. Never fear there are many many people in the DMV who are still real. They are down to earth, honest, hard-working, and trustworthy but you have to search for them. They are in the midst. They linger in the basement of 18th Amendment, or frequent Fridays on King Street. You may catch them more often simply in the streets or at home on a Friday night. They are the people who can read this post and say "yep, it's all true". To these people I say, "Congratulations, we are immune to the spread of pretentious behavior."
posted by K. Jobe | 11:34
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home