Defense Mechanism or Damage Control

Is it a defense mechanism or is it damage control? Are you trying to prevent someone from hurting you or have they already harmed you in some way? Do you consciously perform this action or are you completely unaware that you are doing it?

The idea of a defense mechanism is that when an organism (plants do this too) sense impending danger their mind and body automatically react to shield itself from the harm. The idea of damage control is that when dealing with a problem that endangers or jeopardizes some endeavor certain actions are necessary to deal with or minimize the effect. Damage control as you see by its definition is usually in response to something already occuring and it is a conscious decision or action. Damage control can often, and usually does involve planning. For example, some animals secret gas or poison which is triggered by fear and fear alone. Other animals, like a skunk for example, who does not produce a lot of the noxious sulfuric gas, strives to only use the gas when called for. Skunks make a conscious damage control decision.

Now it is my firm belief that we as humans, knowing what we know about general or basic psychology, are quick to label our actions or inactions as defense mechanisms. We do this because it takes the blame off of us, and puts it on our minds or experiences from our youth. The fact is we have very little actual defense mechanisms. Sure there are certain things we do that we may not be conscious of doing, always making jokes when we are nervous, becoming more aware of our surroundings when we are scared (flight or fight response), or even turning red when we are angry.

Let's be clear I am not saying this to imply that everything we do that we call "defense mechanisms" are bad. In fact, I think for the most part if nothing else they come from good intentions. For example, if you see your friend or close family member is being teased or pushed around, without even thinking you may defend them through words or actions. One common damage control plan that is often labeled as a defense mechanism is something I myself am guilty of, and that is cutting people out of your life. A lot of times when someone hurts us the thing we choose (because it is not automatic) to do is to delete their number, delete their email address, and forget they ever existed. This is not, in my opinion, a defense mechanism. This is damage control. There is no perceived fear of impending danger, the fact is that person already hurt you in some way, and you perform this "tech-cleansing" in an attempt to get them out of your head. While I personally, do not do the whole number or email deletion, I do try my best to cut them out. It is not out of revenge, but because you aim to minimize the damage this person can do. Like I said, it is not automatic, but that does not mean you have ill-intentions.

Now a word of advice and I tell this to everyone who does the "tech-cleansing" in their attempt at damage control. If you no longer have their number, won't it be easier for them to call, you not recogize the number and then answer which is counter-productive. Or if you do recognize the number because quite honestly you memorized it, then what purpose did it serve by deleting it. I hope you did not think you were hurting them by deleting them out your contacts, as Dane Cook said deleting them from your phone does not delete them from the world, lol. Sidenote: his stand-up is hilarious. In summary, be careful what you consider a defense mechanism and damage control. There is nothing wrong with either, but with damage control there is an emphasis on the word control. You do not have to perform the action like you do when you sweat cause you're nervous. We can change what we do for damage control, and we can decide what situations call for it. No matter what just make sure your heart is in the right place, and you are not acting in an effort to cause pain, that is no longer damage control because it will not minimize the effect of what was done to you.