Flip the Script aka Role Reversal
First, I would like to thank my brother for inspiring this post. I hope that today's post will not simply apply to heterosexual men and women, but to homosexuals and lesbians as well. Because whether you are the provider or the nurturer, top or bottom, femme or dom, you may have certain pre-conceived notions of your role in a relationship and in society.
The situation: A guy is home alone with his newborn daughter every weekend, because his girlfriend goes out to the clubs, bars, or simply goes out to be out. The guy has no idea how to care for a child, but since it is not his girlfriend's child (baby mamma drama) he does not feel there is the possibility to reprimand his girlfriend for her actions. Deeper than this, what is so wrong with her actions? Is he upset at being left with a newborn with no guidance, or is he simply upset that his girlfriend is acting like a dude by going out all the time?
Men have always defended the role of man as being the provider. You may perhaps remember the biblical text citing that man's punishment was to toil the earth and woman's to bear children (Adam & Eve's Fall from Grace). Here's the rub: even the bible mixed gender identity with a preconceived notion. Eve's punishment is to bear children, this is a fact; women do bear children. Adam's was to toil the earth, this is fiction; the former is a physiological actuality, whereas this present issue of toiling the earth is a choice or role given to man that could have easily been given to the woman. After all, there is nothing stopping a woman from toiling the earth, but there is an inherent physical hindrance to man bearing children. If you do not understand at this point it is perhaps best you stop reading.
Society has been moving toward equality, not simply in terms of racial equality (which still needs lots of work, a later post, perhaps) but more importantly in the idea of roles belonging to the woman and man. The woman is to be the emotional creature, the irrational one, the one who stays home, and the one who practices fidelity. Man is the one who does not cry, the one who makes the money, the one who thinks logically, and the one who is more susceptible to temptation finding it harder to be faithful(later post I promise). Everyone is guilty of thinking this, I have heard career woman say that it does not matter if the man makes less than them, as long as he contributes what he can and has dinner ready when she gets home. In a gay relationship, the one who sexually fills the role of the woman (bottom) has been speaking up and saying, "That is my role sexually, but don't get it twisted I am a man first." The woman who goes out and party is "loose" or "open for business", while the guy is "social" or "likes to hang out." When you hear a woman is the provider, the gay guy is a fighter, the women clubs all the time you have a certain range of thoughts popping up - - those thoughts are your brain gearing up to assess the roles and the people assigned to them.
The problem is in this society we selfishly proclaim how equal-opportunity we are, or how people should be who they are, while simultaneously condemning and judging the people who do just that. If the career women wanted a man who made more she would be a gold-digger, but wanting someone who takes care of the house makes her a feminist. If the gay guy, sat there with his legs crossed and avoided confrontation, he would be a "flamer" or the other "f-word", but when he tackles confrontation he is "trying to prove a point" or he must be the "top". Men are constantly forgiven for cheating, whereas women are killed for it. In the example above, the man could have explained to his girlfriend, "Look you have every right to go out whenever you please, but I am confused and lonely here and need your help." But wait! That's some real deep emotional stuff coming from a man, and I guarantee you 90% of the people reading are thinking man-up. If you are in the 10% who support this flipping of the script, then congratulations you are way ahead of society.
The situation: A guy is home alone with his newborn daughter every weekend, because his girlfriend goes out to the clubs, bars, or simply goes out to be out. The guy has no idea how to care for a child, but since it is not his girlfriend's child (baby mamma drama) he does not feel there is the possibility to reprimand his girlfriend for her actions. Deeper than this, what is so wrong with her actions? Is he upset at being left with a newborn with no guidance, or is he simply upset that his girlfriend is acting like a dude by going out all the time?
Men have always defended the role of man as being the provider. You may perhaps remember the biblical text citing that man's punishment was to toil the earth and woman's to bear children (Adam & Eve's Fall from Grace). Here's the rub: even the bible mixed gender identity with a preconceived notion. Eve's punishment is to bear children, this is a fact; women do bear children. Adam's was to toil the earth, this is fiction; the former is a physiological actuality, whereas this present issue of toiling the earth is a choice or role given to man that could have easily been given to the woman. After all, there is nothing stopping a woman from toiling the earth, but there is an inherent physical hindrance to man bearing children. If you do not understand at this point it is perhaps best you stop reading.
Society has been moving toward equality, not simply in terms of racial equality (which still needs lots of work, a later post, perhaps) but more importantly in the idea of roles belonging to the woman and man. The woman is to be the emotional creature, the irrational one, the one who stays home, and the one who practices fidelity. Man is the one who does not cry, the one who makes the money, the one who thinks logically, and the one who is more susceptible to temptation finding it harder to be faithful(later post I promise). Everyone is guilty of thinking this, I have heard career woman say that it does not matter if the man makes less than them, as long as he contributes what he can and has dinner ready when she gets home. In a gay relationship, the one who sexually fills the role of the woman (bottom) has been speaking up and saying, "That is my role sexually, but don't get it twisted I am a man first." The woman who goes out and party is "loose" or "open for business", while the guy is "social" or "likes to hang out." When you hear a woman is the provider, the gay guy is a fighter, the women clubs all the time you have a certain range of thoughts popping up - - those thoughts are your brain gearing up to assess the roles and the people assigned to them.
The problem is in this society we selfishly proclaim how equal-opportunity we are, or how people should be who they are, while simultaneously condemning and judging the people who do just that. If the career women wanted a man who made more she would be a gold-digger, but wanting someone who takes care of the house makes her a feminist. If the gay guy, sat there with his legs crossed and avoided confrontation, he would be a "flamer" or the other "f-word", but when he tackles confrontation he is "trying to prove a point" or he must be the "top". Men are constantly forgiven for cheating, whereas women are killed for it. In the example above, the man could have explained to his girlfriend, "Look you have every right to go out whenever you please, but I am confused and lonely here and need your help." But wait! That's some real deep emotional stuff coming from a man, and I guarantee you 90% of the people reading are thinking man-up. If you are in the 10% who support this flipping of the script, then congratulations you are way ahead of society.
posted by K. Jobe | 19:49
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